Hump Your Mother

Dear Fabulous,

My boyfriend’s mom is in town and we kinda threw down within  minutes of her arrival. My boyfriend just broke his ankle and she wanted to bring some kids over to MY house. My boyfriend is unemployed and I pay the bills. We agreed that extra bodies would just be too much. His mother started complaining that I wouldn’t let kids come over and that I wouldn’t let his loser brother sleep in our spare bedroom for free. I told her it’s my house, my rules and she started arguing with me. My boyfriend did nothing. After she stormed out, he said he wanted to break up but didn’t pack or leave. Our third anniversary is coming up but I don’t know how to handle this situation. My parents think I could do better, but know I love him and would never be rude to him. Please help!

Yours,

Grown-Ass Woman

Dear Grown-Ass Woman,

Mother’s don’t go away (until they die, that’s a different lecture). Sounds like your parents are taking the high road that his mother has yet to discover. You can’t ask someone to choose between evil parents and a partner. It never works. What you can do is talk to your partner. Remind him that you are a team, especially living together (not to mention supporting his ass), and that you need to work together. If you two have decided on boundaries for familial visits, you both need to stick to them. Tell him you don’t want to argue with his mother, I’m assuming you don’t, and need him to stand up for the decisions you both made TOGETHER. You could also offer his mother an apology for the events while still making it clear that your boundaries aren’t going to change. Your house-your rules. Her house- her rules. He may never get the backbone to stand up to her and I don’t know that you can change that. The feeling we have towards our parents is deeply ingrained from the bull they have fed us since childhood. It can change, but it won’t be overnight.

If he agrees to help you get along with his mother and respect the boundaries you both decide on, great. That’s all you can ask. He may fail, but at least he’s trying. If he doesn’t agree or continually takes his mother’s side, it may be time to examine the relationship. Three years is a good run but can’t hit the finish line if you have to throw down with his mama every time she visits. Unlike VD, mothers don’t go away.

xoxo

Fabulous

That’s what friends are for

I find myself in an awkward position. Not knowing how I got here, I know less of how I got here. Okay, I moved into a house in January with my former boyfriend, the Ex. I had to kick him out- we’ve talked about that. And that severely increased my rent. Now that our lease is almost up, here I am without a job or deposit money. Where do I go? My parents are never an option- they live in different places that I would never go.

Then my bestie calls and offers me a room in my old place, the place I lived for almost 3 years before moving here. No deposit, so strings, just go. It will be tough on all of us for a bit- but we’ve had extra bodies there since day one. One person per room isn’t always possible. Thank god for good chosen families- or my ass would be hookin’ it on the street for rent.

xoxo

Lady Bar

Saturday was yet another well-played messy drunk-fest. Meow’s 30th birthday bash couldn’t have been more fun!

Tyra would crap her pants at these angles!

Around midnight though, she started hollering to go to the tranny bar. Everyone scattered and we were there within minutes (weird, never happens that way with that many people. cab magic!). Unfortunately, someone forgot their manners. There were some dirty looks thrown at us and a few apologies to be had.

Remember fabulocity rule #1. When you aren’t there, you are “going to the tranny bar,” but once  you get there, you are “at the lady bar.” Respect your fabulous cohorts and you’ll get the same treatment.

xoxo

Man or Boy

I have just been way too busy for my little self! 5 weekends of Libra theme parties- I effin love it!!! First off was golf/preppy party, then bar “hop,” this weekend is cowboys and indians, my bday is Shitwrecked (pirates, sailors, and castaways all welcome), and then, oh yeah, Halloween!

It has been project central here. Right now I’m working on a Swarovski longhorn purse and a pirate booty bag. Exciting.

Don't listen to them- I heart you Jason!

In the meantime, I’ve been watching tv while I do my projects. I am already hooked on this Bored to Death deliciousness.

Girl: “Are you a man or a boy?”

Jason: “What’s the difference?”

Girl: “With a man, you feel like you’re being taken, and you like it. With a boy, you feel like they’re stealing something from you and you don’t like it.”

It’s official. I’m ready for a mans. Do you think a great big “manhood” means they fuck like a man? I think I’ve seen some boys running around with guns too big for themselves.

xoxo

Sunday Drivin’

Happy Libra season, y’all! I just can’t say it enough.I just had a nice little tour around town cranking Scissor Sisters and Sugarcult (don’t ask, but it was perfect). I needed to get my religion back and repent for all my recent sins.

This month is turning out to be chock full of costume excuses. I am loving it and a half! What are you going to be for Halloween? I know, I need to dig around and try some stuff out. This weekend was bar hop with bunny ears, next weekend is Cowboy and Indians theme, and the following, for my birthday celebration, is Shitwrecked. I really just needed an excuse to wear my sailor hat from Disneyland; it’s been too long.

I want to go to Disneyland and Big Bear real bad this month. Make it happen, y’all!

Online Dating 101

At my good friend’s insistence, I decided to try online dating. I started with plentyoffish.com. Should I be judging people who use free sites when I refuse to

This guy...

pay, too? Yes. Maybe I’m just not into the fish in San Diego. I’ve received a few messages, no one with serious potential, from what I can tell. But the worst part is making your profile. Jesus Christ. How do I summarize my fabulous being in a couple short lines that is supposed to attract a male’s attention? Truth is, you can’t. You end up judging someone based on their picture (and why they chose THAT picture) and their writing skills. I could give a shit about your sentence structure (but I do care if you can use “your” and “you’re” correctly)- I want to know if you’re socially retarded or not!

Today, after a FB joke, I signed up at sugardaddyforme.com. Don’t judge me. Let’s be honest- I’m not looking for some unsuccessful schmuck in East County. I need someone more on my level. I’m good at what I do and get paid well to do it (er, usually). Fuck it- what do I have to lose? You can’t win if you don’t play the game, right GaGa?

Manbands

Sometimes massive revelations come at the same old watering hole. Monday night, for example, my besties and I reminisced as we looked at all the young, fresh faces. We really paved the road for them. He was the only gay at our alma matter, and now you can hear high pitched “hi-sies” all over campus. You’re welcome, kids, you’re welcome.

However come Thursday, another not so pleasant revelation was had. Headbands. On hipster boys. Manbands. Gasp, let me gather myself.

Manbands must be stopped immediately.

Stop. Don’t do it. The whole Blair Waldorf trend is already passed, my friends, and you’re not even using it to hold back your hair. If you’ve been keeping up with the new season of GG, you would know it’s college now and headbands are out. Catch up. I know you missed the giant bow thing because you’re boys, but that doesn’t make it okay to try and catch up now. As a mother to many lost boys, take my advice and ditch it in a stairwell like the big girls.

xoxo

Leather Daddy Lover

It’s that time again. Dust of your whips and chaps and head on up to Folsom Street Fair. Just wanted to give a friendly growl to all the bears and babes busy in the Bay today. Have fun, be safe, and remember: baby powder makes everything smoother.

What's your pleasure?

Shocked

Someone actually has this giant bumper sticker on their car, as they drove me blasting house trance. Okay I know I live in an “open” neighborhood, but really, this is unacceptable!! Not Fabulous for one hundred, please!

Urban Dictionary will fill you in.

I Like the Nightlife

Happy Autumnal Equinox!

WTF does that mean, right? Today is the day where our daylight hours are perfectly balanced with nightlife, er, nighttime hours. It means shorter days and longer nights are just around the corner!

And, most importantly, it means Libra season is a wink away and Oktoberfesters are dusting off their lederhosen and steins for all the fest to come. Yay!!

Bring it on!