Dear Fabulous,
My boyfriend’s mom is in town and we kinda threw down within minutes of her arrival. My boyfriend just broke his ankle and she wanted to bring some kids over to MY house. My boyfriend is unemployed and I pay the bills. We agreed that extra bodies would just be too much. His mother started complaining that I wouldn’t let kids come over and that I wouldn’t let his loser brother sleep in our spare bedroom for free. I told her it’s my house, my rules and she started arguing with me. My boyfriend did nothing. After she stormed out, he said he wanted to break up but didn’t pack or leave. Our third anniversary is coming up but I don’t know how to handle this situation. My parents think I could do better, but know I love him and would never be rude to him. Please help!
Yours,
Grown-Ass Woman

Dear Grown-Ass Woman,
Mother’s don’t go away (until they die, that’s a different lecture). Sounds like your parents are taking the high road that his mother has yet to discover. You can’t ask someone to choose between evil parents and a partner. It never works. What you can do is talk to your partner. Remind him that you are a team, especially living together (not to mention supporting his ass), and that you need to work together. If you two have decided on boundaries for familial visits, you both need to stick to them. Tell him you don’t want to argue with his mother, I’m assuming you don’t, and need him to stand up for the decisions you both made TOGETHER. You could also offer his mother an apology for the events while still making it clear that your boundaries aren’t going to change. Your house-your rules. Her house- her rules. He may never get the backbone to stand up to her and I don’t know that you can change that. The feeling we have towards our parents is deeply ingrained from the bull they have fed us since childhood. It can change, but it won’t be overnight.
If he agrees to help you get along with his mother and respect the boundaries you both decide on, great. That’s all you can ask. He may fail, but at least he’s trying. If he doesn’t agree or continually takes his mother’s side, it may be time to examine the relationship. Three years is a good run but can’t hit the finish line if you have to throw down with his mama every time she visits. Unlike VD, mothers don’t go away.
xoxo
Fabulous






